So let's introduce you to the characters in this tale.

As it certainly saves me talking about people in code.

As stated, I live 7 floors up with 6 other people. They go under the names of: Useless Irish Girl, Stealth China, The Punk, Tobe, Becky and the fabled bearded man. Useless Irish Girl and Stealth China are unaware of their names, and The Fabled Bearded Man sits topless in his room every day, completely alone. And I mean every freaking day.

This group has manifested on the back of the fact that we all attend the same, West London based university. Myself, Stealth, Tobe and The Punk all originate from somewhere far South West from here. We accidentally all ended up doing exactly the same course, however helpful this mistake has become.

I must also introduce you to the girl I have back home. I'm not ready to give her a nickname, but she's the kind of girl who can be the best of both sexes. She will drag me to a chick flick and loves Pixar more than could be healthy for any woman, however she also has no quarrels in buying beer and doritos and watching Scum, or Taken. If you've seen neither of these, then go to the nearest corner shop and purchase some beer and any snack food you can afford, then when you return home, turn on your laptop and click your heels twice while repeating "There's no films like violent ones." It works, trust me.


A couple things to know:

1. UIG once defrosted bread with warm water. By defrosted, I mean that she put it under the hot tap and tried to put it in the toaster. There was smoke, I have no idea how she isn't dead- but when she worked it out she had croutons instead. She also boiled potatoes in milk. Please don't try it.

2. Stealth China is a health freak- gym 4 times and week and protein shake kind of thing. But it's fine, because I started a rumour a few weeks ago that he shaves the top of his legs, and it's stuck. One nil to me against his integrity.

3. Punk owns a tattoo gun, but he can't draw. One day I'll have to show you his artwork on me, but I lock my door at night now.

4. Becky is addicted to Harry Potter. And I mean in a way that you don't want to check her internet history.

5. Tobe owns the hugest film collection that I've ever seen, and my film knowledge comes solely from him. Tonight's borrowed film is Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence, again.



And I am your writer. I don't believe in religion or politics, and I mean don't believe as in "Hey I'm Santa, I deliver presents. Look that's a half eaten carrot from rudolf on your kitchen table. Oh wait, no. IT WAS THE DOG, IT WAS ALL A LIE- AND I'M YOUR MUM". Yeah, religion and politics are our mums in disguise. Even the Pope.

No. Especially the Pope.



I'm likely to begin drawing and taking pictures for this blog, and I'm awful at both. I'm also likely to write music, and generally celebrate the madness that is living in West London. If you've read this far and you don't like what you're hearing then you really need a real hobby.

Like working out the modes of a room that you made up on the back of a napkin. Is there a back of a napkin? We'll find out next time.


***EDIT

I have no idea why my mother was dressed up as an ageing white male, it was a confusing time for me.
For all of us.